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Jan. 26th, 2012

I cant do this anymore...

Please help me... omgee..im dying. I got to the best weight ever then the past two weeks ive binged and i feel like a fat whale. I really am going insane. I USED TO HAVE SO MUCH CONTROL. NOW IM JUST FAILING EVERYDAII. I want to stop eating so bad. its destroying me. Everything is spiraling out of control. Like seriously..my room is a mess. im breaking out ..and i feel tired and fat all the time. yes its about losing the weight..but mainly its the control and how beautiful it feels to be empty and tiny. im letting go....im done eating. i fucking cant stand myself anymore. im a pathetic excuse for a woman. cant even stay dedicated. ugh.

i miss when i saw the scale say 92. i miss those daiis so damn much.

hope everyone is doing well..i really need feedback. im feeling so isolated right now. i dont know what to do.

Dec. 27th, 2011

I'm trying...

Jul. 20th, 2011

Well, it's been a while............

Um........I recently realized that ana was my personal demon.....she made me hate myself...she made me sick.....she made me depressed...but she also made me happii....how weird?
I tried to recover.... I really did......
But I can't do it..................I love being empty.... I don't care if that sounds sick........
And this isn't about being thin.
It's control..........control. control...........so what...maybe ana did start having control over me...but idgaf..........Im in control over the food.
While everything in life spirals around... I need something steady. somthing that is always there to comfort me......
Ugh. This is so messed up. But why don't I care?
Ana has been there in my life for five years........
I wish, honestly....that I could just forget about her and lead a "healthy" life.....but ahhh. My definition of healthy has been twisted and it's not the same as everyone else's. Im going to the doctor on monday about my bipolar disorder...maybe meds will help? :/
I'll keep everyone updated.
I hope everyone is doing great!! Message me if you have anything you wanna talk about!!!!(:
<3
Lolo

Jun. 9th, 2011

It will always be tomorrow..

Today I had breakfast ...That is all I desire to have...... I will walk 4 miles..Because I want to... My mood has changed..Today Im more compulsive and controlling about what I do. I guess that's okay.. Tomorrow though, Will it be better? Let's just stick with making today a day that won't be regretted.

I hope everyone is doing okay(:
xoxo
-Lolo

Nov. 22nd, 2010

ehhhh..hheehehhe...

So....All Ive had today Is coffee and a black and mild....Happy Happy. I hate food....I hate it......

Jul. 3rd, 2010

My favorite song...........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLVVGVhhuTQ

May. 2nd, 2010

It's getting better :)

......So it is May 2nd.... and yesterday i had a salad and crackers... threw it up..then had another salad...............and more crackers..that was tooooooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........today i had eggs and thats it...i wanna throw it up but everyone is home and i cant.. :( im going to go run around outside with my dog later so hopefully that will help burn that off... :)

May. 1st, 2010

NEW MONTH :) NEW ME :)

So i started my new plan this weekk....i lost three pounds already..and whoop im so happyy......Today is May 1st and it's the beginning of control :) If you wanna join me with making May the month of happiness just let me know and ill support you :) Today i had a salad and crackers...My aunt is making me eat so i had too.... :/ but blah ill be alright.. salad is my safe food...and they are okay with that. . . .so yeahhh.. lol... :) Things are going up.. i know it...

Apr. 25th, 2010

What? What?

Okay..so it is April 25th.. 2010... i started having Ana when i was 14..im 17 now.. my starting weight was 85 pounds.. to 90 pounds..to 95pounds... to 98 pounds.. and i can only assume i am 110.. i swore that if i ever got over 100 i would kill myself.. ha but i didnt thank God.. I just dont understand how i went from complete control to barely any at all. i am moving in june.. so i have ONE month to lose 15 pounds. yes it is possible.. i just have to keep my mind on other things..i have to learn to say no food.. SO here it goes... cw: 110..gw: 95....:) let's do this :)

Feb. 23rd, 2010

Burning Roses

I am finally doing it... to see myself fall so far has disgusted me to no end. Now i will limit myself to nothing. Being stupid and careless has caused me this grotesque body... i must escape it as soon as possible. Today= coffee. Thats it. And to be honest that is probably all it will be. I have lost my apitite. But im happy now :) truly im tired of sadness...so i have a new outlook on things... be bubbly and make others happy. :)

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